Archive for September, 2008

30
Sep

Friend Zone

By Dar 6 Comments
Categories: Love

There is a wide spectrum of reasons for this particular status of being in the “Friend Zone”. Exploring some of the possible reasons, I have come up with a few:

(It’s actually he/she since it is applicable to both sexes, but it’s more apt for me to write “she”.)

She doesn’t want you, and gives you an honorable exit.

She doesn’t want you, but wants you to stay.

She doesn’t want you, but selfishly wants you to stay.

She used to want you, but you were overtaken.

She wants you but has other reasons why you guys can’t be together.

You’ve become a routine to her.

You managed to put yourself in a situation where she had to choose between you and another thing/person.

You failed to maintain the spark.

…come to think of it, anything can be a reason, and being in the “Friend Zone” can really be just an excuse.

After all,

Pag gusto, maraming paraan, pag ayaw, maraming dahilan. - Unknown

Friend Zone is probably the second most-used rejection line after just saying “no”, but this doesn’t mean that there is really no Friend Zone. For me, the real Friend Zone is like a black hole where we should not draw close because if we get sucked in, there’s a minute chance for escape. In order to prevent this from happening, there are several steps which can be taken. Among which are:

“Fundamental Declaration” - Reveal your motive as early as possible.

“Communication Spontaneity” - Continuous but non-intrusive communication.

“Astronaut Syndrome” - Give her space.

“Consistency Beyond Predictability” - Be consistent, but not predictable. (Be creative)

Let me remind you that these are not used to deceive women. These steps are taken because you like the person to begin with, and you just do not want to end up in a disaster. (Sorry I have to remove a few. For the guys who want to know the rest, ask me through my YM dcayabyab2000)

Anyhow, going back, we can see that it still takes two to tango. We need to consciously move away from the blackhole. I still say go with the flow of the river, but you have to steer to keep from hitting the banks. I also maintain that albeit I generally do not like the “I’m confused” utterance of women, I do not discount the fact that it does happen sometimes. They are more emotional and they tend to get tangled up over something like this. Unlike for us men since we have the capacity to select a person to woo, our society dictates that women should wait for suitors (so they have a smaller selection) and a move to the contrary will make them appear as sluts or bitches or whores (I disagree with this, but Reality Rules).

What you have to do then is to wisen up and look for context clues. First thing you have to know if you get the “LJBF” (Let’s just be friends) line is how she means it. It could be another way of saying wait or get lost so you better know how to determine which is which.

One piece of crucial advice:

Never try to categorize humans. We are extremely subjective beings and one can never tell what things will make others tick. Just try to analyze the personality and reactions of people to more or less get a chance of success with your relationships.

28
Sep

Women’s Lib and the Pig

By Dar 2 Comments
Categories: Life and Love

Equality is not as equal as they want it to be.

Sometimes you hear about women having this “strong” personality, or those who are simply “liberated”. This would mean that they want to have an equal footing with men and rise up in the society. This brings matters to a screeching halt for me because I am stunned by the way the ladies want to bring themselves down to the lowly ranks of men.

Listen up.

Be careful of what you wish for or you might get it. - Unknown

You want equality? There’s a difference between equality and equity dear friends. The problem with the “equalness” women want is that it is in the form of equality. Going back at the very root of our biological makeup, men and women are anything but equal. We may have similar characteristics and same womb where we develop from single cells to complex beings, but things are not that simple.

If you insist that we are really equal, then I dare you to walk beside me as we stride the streets topless then have you lift 140lb barbells (I know some can, but most can’t).

In equality, there are no exceptions. You can not be treated as a liberal woman but still be respected as a lady where men wait for you hand and foot for your beck and call… you just can’t have both. Call me a chauvinist pig, but I’m just being logical about this. You want men to hold doors for you? Well, nobody really holds the door for us.

Let us be realistic and vie for equity, simply put: getting what one deserves.

So tell me, do you still want equality?

23
Sep

If you don’t talk, it’s your fault still

By Dar 2 Comments
Categories: Life
Author’s note: This is very relevant to my previous post in Multiply.

Indeed, years flew by since I posted a blog about this in Multiply (3 years ago). However, it still holds true and people are still neglecting this essential counter-conflict activity.

I was once told “Don’t be afraid of silence, sweetie.” she continued by claiming that the problem with me is that I despise silence and am uncomfortable with it… then we broke up. Fast forward by two years, our paths crossed again and she told me everything she realized after that fateful day… I had this “inner smile” but held a poker face devoid of any expression telling her in my mind “I told you so” continuously with a smug.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the sound of silence. It is the only time I really get to think about matters which concern me. The thing here is that I get a lot of it during the time when I blog, type on my personal journal, or when driving my car.

People, this is the most essential part in your relationship with others. If you are confronted with a situation where you weighed talking and silence equally, choose the former, it is more or less better than clamming up. I am not saying that we should forget about tact, prudence, respect, and customs, but we should be able to express ourselves as much as we try to keep within the bounds of these qualities in dealing with other people. I admit that I am at times tactless and would not care a hoot on what other people might hear from me, but I try to avoid such sins a time or two.

A recent micro-conflict can be related to this situation. A person who holds or plants grudges against others are prone to outbursts, which are much more problematic in more ways than one. If you keep on objecting during the instances when it happens, you get to be more patient and calm unlike during an outburst where it is never constructive. There is also an international relations aspect here where one should be a “persistent objector” in order to be excused from a certain international treaty/policy that is to be implemented. This means that if a treaty takes effect and a nation rejects it once, then does not further express their sentiment, are estopped from raising the claim that they are not to be bound by it because silence means implied acceptance. Though we are not nations and we do not interpose upon each other treaties. But the lesson here is that we should sound off.

How hard is it to express dismay every time we face things, comments, or whatnot anyway?

The more you hold it in, the heavier it becomes, the greater the deluge when you decide to set it off - Dar

Take a glass and a running faucet as an example. A person trying to hold in his expressions create this effect where he tries to catch water in his glass. The longer he stays holding on to the water as it runs from the faucet, the heavier the glass becomes, and the more tiring it is to hold up. Why not throw or drain the water away as soon as it reaches half the glass or even less? (yeah, I know there’s no logic in holding the glass, and the glass will get full, and whatever, that’s not the point)

If a friend/girlfriend/boyfriend does something offensive to you and you decide to let it slide without any notice of the evil, then they are not made aware that you were affected in any way and they might assume that it is alright to do such things to you. If it happens again and again, you will suddenly burst saying “This has not only happened once!”… excuse me? have you ever tried to inform me of this? You can not expect people to have the same line of thinking nor do they have mind-reading abilities so it’s your fault that it happened over and over again. But if you objected in the first or the subsequent instances, they will be aware that it is offensive and being a true friend or lover, they will not let it happen again, or at least try to avoid it.

17
Sep

Be a little bit dense.

By Dar 0 Comments
Categories: Life and Love
Author’s note: This is in relation to a post I made in Multiply.

Sometimes we swoon over things that a person does for us… (Oh shit, this may be detrimental to us men, but what the heck) such as a person giving you a bunch of roses, carrying your stuff, or sparing you his time. Indeed the act may be perceived to be sweet in itself, and when you squeal over the deed, the guy tells you “Oh, it’s nothing :)” but there you go on your cloud nine blinded and struck.

Sadly, the truth of the matter is, it could really be nothing for him.

“Abundance check” is the test you should consider. It’s all about sacrifices, for without which, nothing is worthwhile. You should not be as impressed if what he did or gave you is part of his “abundance” (rich man = money; idle person = time). If a busy person (or at least someone who has something to do with his time) goes out with you, asks you out often, or even waits for you, then that is something to appreciate. But if a normally idle dude does the same acts, it should mean a whole lot less. If a rich dude gives you a dozen roses, it’s nothing. He has a lot of money anyway (unless he’s stingy). If a relatively poor dude gives you half a dozen, it means a whole lot more.

Have you ever thought about it? It’s not really about you being an ingrate, but realistic. I am not saying that acts through abundance are deplorable, but I am just saying that to give everyone equal footing, be a little bit dense and not be caught by “nothing-actions” which are really nothing to the person doing it.

In fact, sometimes such acts could even be acts of selfishness. Imagine a normally idle guy sticking around 24/7. Some might find it sweet, but, Reality Rules, you’re his ticket out of boredom. If a girl takes care of you so much and does a lot of stuff for you, it could be because it makes her feel good as well. She’s doing it because it mainly makes her feel good, and partly because you’re going to feel good as well.

This is also related to giving money to beggars. You might be giving money just to stop them from sticking their grimy faces on your clean windows, that even if you gave them money, you don’t touch the point. It all boils down to compassion. You might not have money to give them, but you have all the sympathy and compassion in your heart… that’s enough.

Sometimes little is just enough.

15
Sep

The groom is a broom

By Dar 6 Comments
Categories: Uncategorized
Author’s note: Remember that PINKed stuff are terms I personally came up with.

“The-groom-is-a-broom” (adj.) - a situation where a couple with a great physical discrepancy in which the male is greatly deprived of physical beauty and the female is oppositely abundant.

We normally see beautiful women with less than stellar partners, or FUgly (FUgs) if you may. Some think that life is not fair just like that, but be things as they are, what actually happens is justice.

I daresay that those FUgs who are with such women deserve their places because they were the ones who tried to cough up some courage to actually do something about what they want. I tell you, there are some great dudes out there who wanted the same woman, but what happened is that they are too afraid of rejection, or were waiting for the “perfect moment”.

There is no perfect moment, you go right in and make the moment perfect. -Dar

In this world, you’ve got to have balls. Just like that cliche “No guts, no glory”. These FUgs, regardless of how they physically appear, are actually better men. They rose up to the challenge and got it. I was in this situation before and it actually works. These “imba women” (hot, beautiful, and whatnot) are looked up by “imba men” (alpha, hot, etc.), that these very same men actually become intimidated. They do not try to get in because they are afraid of failure since they are used to being successful… and the FUgs are used to failing that they do not have much to lose so they get on with it… and this, is actually what matters in the field.

It is worth a shot. If you don’t succeed, charge it to experience.

11
Sep

It was a mere state of mind

By Dar 0 Comments
Categories: Life and Love

Lately I’ve been bitterly grumbling over the recent occurrences in my life. I was quite unsure what caused it, but it is just earlier as I was stuck in traffic that I determined the root cause. I took a moment to actually think about it, and I found out that it’s not you, her, or them, but it’s really just me.

Introspection resulted to a more objective cognition allowing me to pinpoint the aspect causing my despair. I was quite bitter over the fact that I am not a mere average, but I do not have that oh-so-special-someone. The thought of an unfair world entered my mind thinking that there is just not justice in this world… I realized there isn’t… but in my favor (Lol sorry for the egocentricity).

It’s me, not anyone else.

I guess what happened is that I was too centered on the things I want, that I thought I can never get them… but I found out that it’s because that I set the bar high. I thought no one would want to jump it, but the truth of the matter is there are some who jump, but I was only looking, waiting for them up the bar that I fail to see those who attempt but jumps low for I was too busy looking up too high.

Remember that in setting up standards, there are those bound to fall short so never set it too high because you will only get disappointed.

1. Take a deep breath and spare some time to reflect.

2. Look down.

3. Try to lower down the bar a bit, you might be missing those with potentials.

Check those below the bar. They are all for you, but you don’t see them. It’s not that they are low, but you just set it too high. If you just try and look around more, you’ll see that there are a lot who’s tried to jump the bar for you, but you just missed them.

09
Sep

[R-18] The Birds and the Bees.

By Dar 4 Comments
Categories: Life
Author’s Note: This post contains terms which some people may find offensive. If you are one of those who are sensitive to such things…

GET REAL!!! Welcome to the real world.

First base

Second base

Third base

Homerun

I know you know what these mean, but if you don’t, you better seek parental advice.

Purity is not of the body but of the mind. - Dar

*Pure is in the sense of one being cleaner than the others (for lack of a better term)

I normally hear people claiming to have went third, and not the last. I know majority of them are lying, and I know that they are doing it to try and salvage what’s left of their pride or what not. But bespite their claim of only going second or third, and at the same time claiming to be a virgin, they are being utterly hypocritical. Their prudence on the matter is uncalled for and it would have been better if they lied rather than try to justify it.

“I only went third and not all the way…”

Excuse me?

Some people think purity is preserved by being physically pure (i.e. virginity). While being physically pure necessarily leads to a pure mind, it does not go the other way around. You may be of pure body, but you have a fuckin’ dirty mind… How can you claim to be a virgin? What a hypocrite. Trying to preserve yourself won’t do you any good if you’re suppressing yourself big time. Purity is innate to people so stop trying to be one when you are not. I’m not advocating immorality, but if you want to be pure, clean your dirty mind first, after all, it is the mind which is more important.

If you did it, be man (or woman) enough to admit it. Stop hiding and show your true colors you chameleons! Even if you can appear to be red, white, black, brown, or whatever, your true color is still GREEN.

Virgin - Being in a pure or natural state; unsullied (Taken from Yahoo! Education)

Yep, I’m talking about the adjective ‘virgin’, and not the noun (try to look up the difference).

09
Sep

Just go with the flow…

By Dar 0 Comments
Categories: Uncategorized

I once thought that we have to do what we can in order to make things work in different aspects of our lives.

I took for granted the fact that there are other factors… such as that of luck, be it good or bad, to wit, Murphy’s Law (what can go wrong WILL go wrong).

I like telling other people that:

The problem is that we tend to think too much, life is simple, let it stay that way. - Dar

But heck, I sometimes fail to consider it myself. I try to think and do so much that it normally backfires. I guess what I have to really do is just learn to go with the flow… Although I follow that in my law school life, I neglect its application in my relationships with other people, but this is soon to change. It’s a shame that we normally learn a little too late, but yeah, it’s not over till it’s over.

You and I are not perfect, we are not meant to be perfect, so let it stay that way. We only have to go with the flow so we wouldn’t be left behind. If we don’t play with the ebb and flow, we would die fighting it without success, simply because “that’s how life really goes” (Reality Rules). I am not saying that we should just sit back and sing with Doris Day’s “que sera, sera…” but what I’m saying is we have to keep ourselves afloat to breathe, and play with the waves and not waste energy fighting it. Because one way or another, you are bound to arrive at an island where you have dominion (imagine trash drifting in open waters, they almost always end up in shores). In a nutshell, we have to wait for the right moment to come… but until it does, we have to keep floating and go with the waves.

Every winner must be a loser at one point. -Dar

Reality Rules –> Life is about waiting –> Go with the flow (Roll with the punches) –> Balance of life

When the right time comes, you win.

02
Sep

Do a little evil for the greater good.

By Dar 2 Comments
Categories: Uncategorized
Author’s Note: This is a blog I posted in Multiply on May 14, 2005. I am reposting it with revisions.

… sometimes, we have to do little evil to create greater good… - Kingdom of Heaven

Now this is something to ponder on. Realistic view: Indeed there are times, we really have to do little evil to create greater good. More like the Robin Hood principle. We know that the future of the Philippines is under our future politician’s hands. Whether we want to deny it or not, the statement remains true. Our country is really not that poor… It is the leaders that make our country slump. In elections, “good” politicians won’t stand a chance in competing in a fair manner. They sometimes have to pull some threads and make little “adjustments” to win and eventually leading our country to further development. Have some not pull some threads to win, what we will get are those “bad” politicians who pulled some tricks of their own while the “good” ones stood without a chance. ——————————————————- Fast forward to 2008.

Kill one man, save a thousand. - Wanted; Assassin’s Creed

The earlier post is fused to my AB Political Science degree. Now, this post is related to relationships and dealings in life. We are not going to plan and kill anyone here, I just like the analogy of the quote. There are indeed times when we should try and do something bad or mean for other people to realize our worth. In relation with the “Nice guy syndrome”, where nice guys are underrated and oftentimes overlooked, nice guys have to resort to something out of their character at times in order to be appreciated. I concocted this idea, since no one wants to go along unappreciated, as a remedy. If you are normally the quiet type who just takes in every rant a woman you like tells you, try shutting her up in a mild manner. Do not offend her, but just take a side other than that which you would normally take. You can also stop being sweet to her and be mean when you are dejected. Act the way she does. Why? This is for her to realize that EVERYTHING positive that a man does takes effort. If a man is normally nice, he is exerting effort to be one most of the time. If you are normally sweet to her and you stop being one, she might ask you “Why did you suddenly change?” this is where we get the limelight and start our battery of rants ^_^ “You want to know why? All these times I’ve been beside you all along being sweet and caring, but what have you done about it? Did you even try to lift a finger to please me when I please you all the time? You expect me to be sweet, but when I am, it is just the status quo for you!” And so on. A bit of a piece of advice though, I am exaggerating a bit so you might want to downplay the rant part a bit. And also, make sure that she really is taking you for granted because some men can simply be so dense that the woman’s efforts are left unnoticed. Lastly, this will not work with impulsive women (meaning this will probably not work on most women… lol!) and to those who are plain bitches. Do a little evil so that she can pinpoint all the good things you portray hoping that she is the thinking type.

01
Sep

Nice guys finish last

By Dar 2 Comments
Categories: Life and Love

I do not claim to be the nicest guy, but I am nice…

This has something to do with the idea that there are women who likes bad guys and so good guys turn out last.

Pondering on the fact, I came up with a rationale.
Women who have bad dudes tend to see the little good in them. Due to their being such bad asses, they are perceived to be generally bad, so a small spark of goodness goes a long way. How? Psychology has something to do with this. Imagine total darkness and you see a very minute light source. The darkness is the general characteristic of a person’s being bad and the light is the dash of kindness in them… due to the darkness, that small flicker of light turns out bright. As said in The Seeker film:

Even the smallest light shines in the darkness.

So if you’re generally a nice guy, they see you as the day. All your goodness which results to a number of lights are not appreciated with the light of the sun, but a pit of tar, since black absorbs light, is clearly seen (imagine a white paper with a small black dot in the middle) which tends for them to focus on your negative sides amplifying the smallest of you badness.

Such perceptions also lead to presumptions and expectations that bad dudes are bad and good dudes are good. Therefore, if they act contrary to the presumption, it will easily be noticed.

…and I do believe that nice guys finish last...

Why do I keep on being nice even if I know it is rather prejudicial to myself?

The best gift I can give is to try and be the best for someone… I do not care if I get duped, dumped, or doped. The most important is that I was able to be at my best so that I will not have any regrets over whatever relationship has failed me. Refer to my “Why so serious?” post.

… but that won’t keep me from staying this way.

This is a very striking display. I saw this at the house of one of our students in NSTP years ago… This is how nice guys feel.

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