Archive for the 'Life' Category

07
Nov

The Real Men

Author’s note: I am recently reading “Wild at Heart”, a book which demythifies the “man” saying that we are created with a wild heart.

The book’s quotable quote:

Where are all the men in the world…?

: You have made them women.

Not to undermine the importance of women, but we are just not the same. Women are born to be noticed, to be appreciated, and loved. Men are born to be wild!

We want to be the one to rescue the fair damsel from the castle prison or slay the dragon. Women want to be the one to be appreciated and rescued by her knight in shining armor.

What’s the point then?

The second line in the quote above shows the effect of establishment. We are imprisoned by the dictates of our society. I noticed my nephews want to play with guns, Counterstrike, Halo 3, and the like and what do I hear from their parents? Don’t play with guns, don’t watch violent movies, and so on. They try to suppress the wild hearts of men. They make them timid, lame, wimpy, and meek. How can you slay the dragon thinking of non-violence, and trying to remember that the left hand SHOULD hold the fork and that your pinky finger should stick out when placing the tea cup down? To top of it all, he’ll look barbaric if his fingernails get dirty.

So, how to slay a dragon? Do it with your wild heart then get a manicure later.

The gist of the book speaks of nurture killing nature. society and Religion killed the passion of men and women such that they are both… bored and tired. Check the Bible, you will see the passionate entries which include bosoms, “gardens”, “fruits”, “nectar”, and such passionate songs by ye ol’ wise man himself, Solomon and even God himself approved of such passionate acts.

If that’s not wild, then I do not know what wild is.

Anyway, the post is in light of my previous adventures. The book is timed right for me to read because when I think of hiking, swimming, diving–anything which would be an outdoor adventure, I just light up and feel elated. The book rationalizes this craving for adventure, dangers and excitement included.

Men are indeed Wild at Heart”, let us be what we are made to be, or be stuck mild and meek rather than a wild and crazy guy.

Now I know why good guys finish last.

31
Oct

Target Fixation

Some say we have to set goals.

I say we all should.

But one must remember to avoid “target fixation”.

Say what?

This is when a person focuses on something so much that he neglects everything else, be it hazards, obstacles, or anything between him and the target. This is one of the possible explanations why the famed Red Baron went down. He fixated on one plane, followed it to a low altitude, and got hit by an anti-aircraft gun, which he could not have been hit if he were on high altitude.

In practical application, this is tantamount to achieving a goal through “all means necessary”. The problem with this is that we become like a giant steamroller, ready to flatten anything that stands between us and the goal we set to the ground and not be stopped by anything. Like everything that is good, this can be bad as well. Sure, it is a good deal if it means flattening all our negativity and overcoming hardships, but what if the ones in front of us are our parents who mean well, or friends who know that the goal we chose will not really do us any good? Target fixation will crush them all along the way.

In Jason Mraz’s I’m Yours song, he mentions “… open up your plans and damn you’re free…” I see the “plans” as the means in order to achieve a particular end or goal so:

You + Plans + Actions = Goals

However, the song says tells people to “open up your plans” and I think this is the right way. Do not fixate on one plan and one goal. Think of your main end goal, and as always, there are plenty of ways to reach it. If you want to become rich, or you want to be able to help other people, or just wish for a simple and quiet life, there are a lot of means to get them. I am trying to emphasize here that “having 50 cars” or “becoming a doctor/lawyer” is not an end goal. These are temporary goals that mean nothing. The end I am trying to instill is the end which is in the general sense, and with a lot of meaning to us, our families, society, or even to a particular industry. There is no road map for anything, so try to be versatile in your plans to meet your goals.

Fixation does the same harm as good, and it spawns minds which is Machiavellian on one side, and erratic on the other. When we fixate, we lose impartiality. We are biased on the positive effects of our ideas that we neglect its negative effects. What’s worse is that no matter how we try to pick out negativity from the fixated target, we will not be able to come up with anything substantial even if other people see it plain. That’s how powerful our minds are. It blocks everything and makes us focus on a goal, but blind on all else.

We are not robots to have everything planned out or encoded step by step to reach something. We are highly subjective humans who are capable of adapting to any circumstance. Flexibility of our body reflects the flexibility of the mind. Like robots who have rigid frames which reflect their artificial and rigid intelligence. They are made of calculations, we are made of hunches, intuition, calculation, analysis, gut-feel, and subjectivity. -Dar

27
Oct

Away from Distractions

Author’s Note: This is an insight gained from actual disconnection from the city life.

There are times when we need to be disconnected from the world. We are too distracted. I really can’t tell whether life out there is better than the city life, I am equally torn. First, there are a lot of things to keep us from being idle here… but I’m not sure whether it is a good thing or not. Second, there’s minimal pollution there… but you rarely see cars. Third, the people there long for Jollibee and Dunkin Donuts… is that a good thing? I guess abundance really ends up in neglect. The more we have, the less we care.

Abundance ends up in neglect. -Dar

Now that’s something new. Although I may have thought of this in passing before, it is only now that I truly realized it. I think the 1-week trip “away from it all” taught me this. The people there seem to care less about nature… while we go to places just to see them for ourselves. And I, for one, hates fast food because I grew tired of them… yet it would be one of the best things that you can bring them as “pasalubong” together with Goldilocks and Dunkin Donuts.

This also goes along with most, if not all, aspects of our lives. Be it with money, love, friends, and the like. Much related to the saying “You never know what you’ve got ’till it’s gone” and with good reason! I’m sure I would not be such a spendthrift and nature-lover if I grew up poorer someplace else. I can not blame the people for not being able to realize the importance of the things and the people we have, because we really have to inhibit ourselves from the same in order to realize them.

For one, I realized the importance of seeing cell sites. In the island of Sibuyan, there are approximately 10 cell sites erected as compared to the hundreds we have. Basing it on land mass, that would be like 1:10 ratio. Bawang there is a great commodity prized at around 80 per kilo while we can get some for 20 per kilo. Their fishes cost five times cheaper and their gas at twenty percent more.

This is the first time that I had such a fruitful trip. I went to Thailand before, but the disparity is not as noticed because of its foreign nature. But going to one of our own provinces and experiencing the life there, one can see how great a gap exists between two islands, literally and figuratively. It was more of an immersion and an eye-opener for me. I met a lot people: the mayor, a vice mayor, a school mentor, the chief of police, and the like. I heard their take on the things I perceived and experienced, and learned a whole lot of stuff! I recommend travelling within the archipelago not only to city people, but to everyone.

11
Oct

Relationship Myth

Most people say, claim and believe that men should do the chasing at first in order to get a girl. We all know that what normally happens is that the tables turn when the relationship commences such that the gals do the chasing thereafter. Although this is a lingering fact, there is also much proof to the effectiveness of  the contrary.

If a man really loves a woman, he would not let the tables turn to the woman’s disadvantage.

As usual, I’ve been there, done that (I don’t know for how many times already).

Applying a little political science theory here, I realized that there should be a balance of power between the two parties. If the guy gets too much advantage where the gal allows him to take absolute control (and vice versa), here arrives the problem.

Absolute power corrupts absolutely. - Sir John Dalberg-Acton

There should always be equitable respect, equitable love, equitable whatnot. Do not be a meek objector, but a persistent one and silence will be misinterpreted as consent. If you allow him to always have things his way, you will begin a trip to a slippery slope and a lose-lose situation.

I don’t know how this affects my post, but I still believe that a guy should have a better say with regard to matters concerning the relationship (and with good reason!).

Anyway, I think it could be reconciled in a way where the girl should be submissive, but not submissive enough to grant the guy the totality of decisions. Like I always say, it is a two-way street. Maybe in the two-way street, the guy has two lanes and the girl has one… it really doesn’t matter as long as it is two-way. Once it becomes one-way, then expect an impending doom to your relationship.

11
Oct

Desperate Person

Sometimes we tend to push some people a little bit too much, and in the process they are forced to be in a lose-lose situation… this is when you should cease your actions no matter what the reason is…

Desperate times call for desperate measures - Unknown

Since a person is pushed to his limits, he will do what he can to bring you down if you push him further. It is a scary thought because a man with nothing more to lose have available last-resorts. Before you push him again, make sure you are willing or capable of losing as much as he would because if you are not, then it will end with the both of you down and beaten… But with you on the disadvatage because he already had nothing to lose halfway down and you are still to lose half of yourself.

Look for signs.

Two of the last aspects a person would lose before the point of desperation are pride and dignity respectively. Once he gives up on there, you better hide or be ready for a sudden death. Driving one person to such extents terminates his rationality and re-activates primal instincts and he will fixate on inflicting maximum damage for his impending loss.

A beast is most dangerous when it is cornered.

That person may be trying to flee from you to begin with. Drive him to a corner and he would have no other choice but to fight. To this effect, he will see any single bit of damage done to you as a worthy cause. Look at the Iraqi insurgents, they have lost their homeland to a foreign invader, branded as terrorists, and lost their way of lives. They developed the thinking that every life of an Iraqi for an American is well worth it. What’s worse is that it is indubitably true. Americans have easy lives, while an Iraqi is most likely within the range of suffering. The former probably earns in a month whatever the Iraqis earn in a year, so basing it on lifestyle, good trade.

I am not sure what recourse should one take, but I know that one should not drive another past their limits.

09
Oct

Two types of leeches

Author’s Note: This is one of my rants on hypocritical people.

In life, I’ve observed two variants of human leeching. “H-Leeches” are parasitic people who latch on others (hosts) in order to benefit from their juices. The type 1 leeches are those which latch on to others and suck enough juice from their host so that they can stay alive and survive the harsh world. They normally cling harmlessly and go unnoticed or are subsequently condoned, if noticed. However, there also exists the type 2 leeches. These leeches are resultant of mutation whereby a type 1 leech is not really a leech because it can fend for its own and are self-sufficient, but chose to leech in order to grow further. This type of parasites are the ones who eventually get too big for their hosts that they ultimately devour them in due time.

So where am I going with leeches and humans?

In my academic life, I observed that such people are always present in your everyday classroom dealings. What I hate most about the type 2 leeches is that they are people who study in their closets, try to look misinformed, and suddenly come up with good grades. I really do not care about whatever grade they get, but if they can get a good grade, the hell with them for still trying to leech on others! I, for one, may at times be mistaken as a “closet nerd”, but heck, maybe I’m just a little bit smarter than the average student? Really, if I say I did not crack the book, I literally didn’t. And if I study, I do so in the library and never anywhere else (except at Gloria Jeans before).

I hate people going around the class uttering their deceptive rambles of how they were not able to study and the like so they ask the people who really study in class to teach them about the subject matter when what really happen is that they try to absorb what the others know to add to their “knowledge pool”. They want to be better than their hosts that is why they do this, and I hate it. When I ask people to help me, I make sure that I get enough to survive, and not take advantage of them… and whatever I know, I try to share whenever possible to such benevolent people.

Well, the moral lesson of this post is that all you fucking type 2 leeches will somehow get what you deserve and maybe… just maybe… fail on the things which really count.

Karma, dear friend.


*H-Leeching does not only apply to the academe, but also in other aspects such as SPENDING (money), and the like.

06
Oct

Meeting People Online

This is all about meeting people online.

This is a tribute to myself and to all people who’ve tried meeting members of the opposite sex online.

I’ve met (not the advertisement) a lot of women online, and for good reasons.

It may seem cheap, weird, loser-ish, or whatnot to some people, but it’s the way to go for the others. Anyway, this is the product of a conversation I had with a recent acquaintance (I met her in real life, not online). She had her online story, I had mine, I know a lot of other people have theirs, too. It may sound pretty simple… and in fact it is! But other people complicate this topic.

There are people who create a social stigma to the people who meet their partners online (Need I mention that I first got an ex’s number through Friendster? I was too wary of talking to her in public because I was afraid of being shot down… anyway, that’s another long story). We have a variety of reasons, but that’s not the focus here. People think that you only meet nerds, losers, or whatever kinds of people online, but the reality is that contrary to popular belief, as much as you meet mediocre people online, you will also meet quality ones. These reasons would state why I’m game for online acquaintances:

1. Quality women will not just give you their names nor numbers (not unless when in a bar or if you’re Brad Pitt-like) like that.

2. You can get shot down and crash and burn and make a fool of yourself.

3. There is also a bad notion if you tell others “oh, we’ve met in a bar”.

4. You’d look like a fool and loser-ish if you approach a girl in a mall as well.

5. Not everyone is as outgoing as the others to have such variety of friends to get them acquainted to the right person.

6. If you meet a person for the first time personally, you tend to stutter, and make a fool of yourself, unlike online with the comforts of your home and keyboard.

7. It’s a sure way to be able to contact someone.

*I am speaking for the other people, only around half of these applies to me.

So what are you going to do to meet women then? Go to bars? Go to some party? Befriend a lot of people? Although the things mentioned are quite considerable options, I see the cyberspace as the easiest, most convenient, and the least hazardous way to meet people.

Well, for meeting each other in real life, just arrange to meet in some mall, or wherever safe so it will really be a good start.

There-is-nothing-wrong-with-it.

For those who will think otherwise are probably just afraid of what other people will tell them if they do meet someone online.

And yeah, I am not biased in this post because unlike you, I’ve met women in bars, in malls, in restaurants, in Shangri La Hotel, in work, in schools, online, classroom, through acquaintances, school events, even in a computer shop! Those who would criticize should at least have the same amount of meeting experience as mine… I rest my case. *Smugs*

What I say is that I am objective in this, and mea culpa.

This is the computer age… FACE IT.

05
Oct

How to treat braggarts and chatterboxes

Blah blah blah yakkity yak chatter chatter… -SMUG-.

Some people just love talking about themselves, their exploits, their accomplishments, their methods. These people are egocentric characters who care little for what you have to say because they deem your stories and words less than theirs…

Like me.

I, for one, have trouble listening. I try to be interested in what other people say, but if I think that I know more than you do, their words just wouldn’t go through. I love to tell people about myself, but if a person I perceive as uninteresting starts talking, I normally try to appear like a sponge. I listen, but, pardon me, such words will not be taken with importance.

It’s actually better if I talk to you.

If I do not speak my mind before your nor tell you of my exploits, that would probably mean you are an insignificant speck before my presence, much less than those uninteresting people I encounter. If I have this notion that a person knows more than I do, I become like a sponge. I try to add input to the conversation, but I normally think about what they say and absorb it if proven to be positive before my analysis.

In this sense, you can see that people who know a lot tend to brag (yeah, I know that I know a lot, although still a lot less than that of experienced elders). If you are wise, put such a situation to your advantage and absorb. Do not be offended if they see you as inferior because if they think of you as a competitor, they will bring you down instead. Their exploits are valuable and there are reasons why they are superior. Those reasons are the things that you should try to deduce.

In a nutshell, I am saying that people normally brag for a reason (they have something to brag about). Those reasons are valuable and you should apply them to your life to improve yourself.

WE are precious resources to exploit.

05
Oct

Vanity and Means Justified.

Author’s note: This post is in the same line of reasoning as my “Do a little evil for the greater good” post. The main difference is that this is applied in general terms, detached from its application to relationships.

Pride, self-love, vanity, egocentricity, however you want to call it, it’s my greatest sin… probably yours as well. But be wary, it’s not really a negative trait, it does not matter whether such level of vanity is inherently detrimental. It still depends on the resultant ends. If you are such a megalomaniac and you want your name to be worshipped so you donated all your assets to the poor for the purpose of putting yourself on a pedestal, it is still all good for the reality is that you were able to help a multitude of people… and although some people will deem you selfish, I will call you “quasi-selfish” or “quasi-generous” because I, unlike the others, look from the two sides of the coin.

It may appear to be the dark side of Dar, but I am a great believer of Niccolo Machiavelli’s Consequentialism:

The end justifies the means.

This may strike people in a negative tone, but come on, we are great and complex individuals. We are not bound by one-sided thoughts and we can always go around and make things work for us. That is what our analytical minds are for. Albeit I believe in this, I also stand firm on the fact that we should only use this in view of good ends… for what we genuinely believe to yield positive results.

Going back to the case, the conceited person who donates all his assets is not acting negatively since his donation for self-gratification is not generally bad since it does not affect other people negatively. With this point we can finally reconcile the argument of good ends for bad means so long as the primal intention is to cause good.

If I have to kill a man to save a thousand, why not? If you don’t, I think you are going to be the one who is selfish because you can not sacrifice your little belief that {killing is bad in any way}. And go to hell if I must, I think it is a good trade… you can even make it work out for your vanity: “my trip to hell = thousand lives”.

Sometimes you have to do little evil for the greater good…

Indeed.

02
Oct

Relativity

Author’s Note: I have sang this tune for eternity, yet I am flabbergasted by the reality that I have not expounded on this concept thus far… anyway, here goes.

Relativity is the idea that speaks of independence. It does not conceptualize a universal thought applicable in all places, at all times, under all instances. To better appreciate this theory, a great scientist concocted this:

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it seems like an hour, but sit beside a pretty girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. - Albert Einstein

A complex scientific theory simplicized for the lay man. What is important to you may be worthless to other people. No matter how we view things, there will always be people who will oppose the idea. Of course we can put facts such as “Men need oxygen to live” and the like, but when it comes to point of views which are subjective, nothing is True. This now redirects us to:

Nothing is true, everything is permitted - Hassan-i Sabbah (allegedly uttered this in his deathbed)

This probably pertains to absolute truth. There is no such things as an absolute truth with regard to our view on things and everything is permitted. The second part which states “everything is permitted” aims to open the minds of people to allow subjectivity to flow. I also remembered what a pastor told us before where conflicts between religions arise everytime one faction tells the rest that their God is the only true God. If they permit the existence of the gods of other religions, then they could have lived in harmony save those extremists who believe that those not belonging to their kind must perish.

Going back, we can see how perspectives change the very essence of things. Water is everywhere in our country, yet Singapore imports their water. Oil is very precious to us, but for oil-producing countries, they’re cheaper than water.

Even relativity itself is relative since some people think that there are clear-cut categories which can determine the mindset of others.  Therefore, even if it is an absolute truth for me, it is extremely flawed to other people.

Talk about relativity… it’s all in the mind.




January 2009
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