There is this category of the opposite sex, or even the same sex for that matter, “The One”, which more often than not ironically turns out to be “not-really-The-One” (NRTO).

Why?

For the simplest reason that there is only ONE genuine “The One”.

Most of the people you categorize to be “The One” will turn out to be a mistake, hoax if you may, and only one will eventually withstand all the waves of the relationship woes and would probably stick with you until the end, the end being the exchange of vows in front of the altar. This may seem to be horse sense, but truth of the matter is we hardly think of such commonplace ideas because we subconsciously think that it is not necessary because we know all about it… but then again, not really.

Now what is the sense in talking about this? The answer lies in the confusion that follows “The One”. Of course, most of us enter a relationship not because of anything else but the genuine, albeit shrouded, belief that the person you are going to be in a relationship with is “The One” for you (at least for the time being). So, what’s the sense of categorizing a person to be “The One” despite uncertainty and the unknown of the future? It is the fact that you will love the person indiscriminately and without reservations even if the past taught you that life sucks, that love hurts, and that the only thing permanent in the world is change.

Point of personal experience taken, it is when you call someone “The One”, who turns out to be NRTO, so you are left with no better option than to move on, finds someone new, call her “The One”, fails, so on and so forth. That despite the fact that you feel you have made a fool of yourself by claiming each and every serious girlfriend you had to be “The One” sometime in the past, you insist on focusing here and now, giving her (your present One) full benefit of the doubt, and though the uncertain time we call “future” might bring bad news you still risk making a fool of yourself for the nth time and eat your own words… just for her.

However, the important elements of calling someone “The One” are:

(1) That you, during the time of your relationship, sincerely BELIEVES that she is the one for you;

(2) you are in Love;

(3) and you exact all your effort to try and make it work.

With the absence of any of these, it is nothing but mere infatuation. This is not comprehensive, and are only indicated as the factors which are crucial and relevant to the topic.

To break or not to break, that is the question.

Actually there is only one rule to follow here… it’s ye old:

Pag gusto, maraming paraan, pag ayaw, maraming dahilan.

Well, to start off, it’s all about the “two-way street”. Talk to your partner, make sure that things between you and her are clear and that all concerns are at least brought up even if not resolved. So long as there is an open line of communication, I doubt it if one should deem the relationship hopeless.

One thing’s for sure, you should only break it up when things are utterly hopeless. To this effect, you should be ready to cough up some pride and try to bring up your forgiving side. Your partner WILL disappoint you, but your being disappointed as a reason to break up with your partner is rather selfish, isn’t it? Try to talk it out, and forgive. But after the forgiving part, she has to make sure that she would not consciously allow such a thing to happen again. Remember, this is not all about you, but about the “us” between you and your partner.

There is this situation that I call the “50 First Dates Syndrome” or “The Deja Vu”. This is when you get caught up with a forgetful Lucy and things just happen over and over again. It is not as sweet as in the movies, I tell you. I’ve been through such a situation before and you will find yourself in the same exact situation with your partner by arguing over the same things that you have previously resolved and the recurring problems will only be detrimental to you and your partener’s growth. While it is perfectly normal to have problems, to have the same problem over and over again is not. Once a problem is addressed and totally cleared, then it should not be part of your concern the next time.

The next is the “He loves me, he loves me not situation”. This is rather related to the preceding paragraph because what happens here is that a couple breaks up for the smallest reasons and goes back together in a day or two. This could be observed in the early stages of a relationship (say, first three months). But this is really stupid (yeah, absolutely STUPID) if it goes on for like, the whole relationship period. Break it up… for good!

Another is the “Fusion Effect”. This is when you and your partner’s lives are so fused together that the individual is diminished. Remember, you + partner = two, not one. If you take one-ness too seriously, you’ll end up as you + him = 1 and therefore, you = 1/2, partner = 1/2. This is not advisable because once you allow this thing to happen, you lose yourself and given that nothing in this world is permanent, your partner’s loss will leave a permanent void in your life. Remember that before you love someone, you should know how to love yourself. Spend time together, but remember that you and your partner have different lives so take time apart. Nothing wrong with that. This may also cause one to develop the “Astronaut Syndrome” as tacked in my Friend Zone post.

The “I’m confused Moment” is also something worth noting. This is normally the prologue to an impending break up. Normally, this is the time when your partner starts to stop loving. Here’s the 100% sure time to break it up: When your partner has already decided not to love you. If you are able to prevent a break up, I’m pretty sure it will not be long until the problem is raised again (50 First Dates Syndrome). You are just delaying the inevitable. You can not have a relationship where you alone gives love.

Actually these are only a few examples of the tendencies people’s relationships have. There is really no clear-cut distinction on which types to avoid and which are the ones to take.

Here’s my final take on this:

1. Use your rationality and logic, weight the pros and cons

Always take time to think about your relationship if you see the relationship causes more harm than good, talk it out, if all else fails, break it up.

2. Always open the line of communication

Whenever you have problems, try to solve it yourself. If you do not think the solution lies with you and it should be solved by your partner, tell him or her. If your partner does not

3. Always relate things to yourself

Again, it takes two to tango. You should not always direct the blame to your partner, know your own faults, solve them.

4. Problems are dealt with and should not recur.

5. Never make decisions when you are mad

Mad here is in the sense of being angry and at the same time insane. This state of mind renders one to be “Animalistic” (like a dog biting someone who touches its food while it’s eating) because it is a spur of the moment, a snap, where in we are not able to think well. Very little, if any, good comes out of such decisions.

6. Read my other posts (Lol).

Before any breakup, there should ALWAYS be an attempt to reconcile. Talk it out.

*Whenever I say talk it out, it means at least thrice. It really should sink in with them by then, so if they still do not see eye to eye with you, something’s really wrong and it could be a ground for you to break it up.