Author’s note: The topic is about personal experience. This should finally settle the age-old dilemma of deciding whether it should be the first or the next one.

Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. kasi, hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una. (If you are in love with two people, pick the second one because you would not love another if you already truly love the first one) - Taken from a text message, unknown author.

Coming from the “Dar-view” (perception coherent with the author’s opinion), this is appears to be logically sound. One should not look at his/her own ideals of what his/her partner should be, but rather on how satisfied and contented you feel. This may initially seem to ironically debunk my “love is a choice” concept but on the contrary, it actually strengthens it. Having clouded with what may seem to be identical feelings toward two people, we actually see the problem of relying on our feelings such that we realize that we now have to rely on our choice because it would be most unwise to love two people at the same time. It is already a given fact that the one in dilemma had already tried to compare the two people and that it just turned out that they are equal in the overall score. That is when the saying should apply.

Satisfaction.

This is what you should apply. Although one can never be totally satiated, we must try to be satisfied regarding certain aspects of our lives in order to be free from such a dilemma. If you CHOOSE to be contented with whom you already have, then there is no more question to bring up to and that you should then stop entertaining the idea of the second person.

You do not deserve those which you can not keep.

Inasmuch as we can not love two people at the same time, we can not say that “I deserve him” or what I now call the “self-righteous syndrome” (as tackled in my previous post, the self-righteous person irrationally believes that he deserves something greater than what is actually true). You can not deserve two people at once and must ultimately set one free (not unless they are willing to live on a triad relationship, you must be be so lucky!). Admit it, you can not keep two, release one.

We have heard about the psycho-girl, now, we tackle the worse kind… the psycho-girlfriend.

A psycho-girlfriend is someone who hovers in her own cyclical reality. She is egocentric, thus, everything negative that happens to the relationship is the guys fault, and she’ll definitely say that she’s tired of arguing about it.

For instance, personal experience aside, a friend has this girlfriend X and she’s a psycho-girlfriend. She agonizes over the smallest mistakes making a mountain out of a mole hill, rants about it to her boyfriend (who is also probably stupid enough not to dump her despite the relationship turning into a recurring nightmare), and blames it all to the guy while claiming that she’s the messiah by taking all the sacrifices she has to do in order to save the relationship.

X: Nasan ka?! (Where are you?!)

Wimpy dude: Sa bahay ni A. (In A’s house.)

X: Bakit hindi ka nanaman nagsabi sakin?! (Why didn’t you tell me where you are?!)

W.D.: Magtetext palang… (I was about to text…) — She cuts him off and nags and rants and blabs and goes wild.

This is ALWAYS followed by “Lagi nalang tayo nagaaway…” (We’re always arguing…), with the subsequent reconciliation and it’s deja vu the next day.

Notice that the woman has a way of preventing the conflict by simply letting the issue slide, afterall, it’s not life-threatening. Another thing is that she forgets the fact that she is NOT supposed to be the center of a guy’s universe. Yes, we can all go cheesy singing songs and poetry about women being the sunshine of his life or whatnot, but this is supposed to be a voluntary act.

A secondary problem about their kind is that the first resort of these women is anger followed by the severance of the relationship (breakup). Albeit they are (supposedly) rational beings, they lose control and lets out the Pavlov’s Dog in them by reacting to circumstances without thinking. Like salivating upon hearing the bell, they go berserk over the smallest things.

If you’re guilty of being a psycho, here are some helpful tips:

Remember that it always takes two to tango. A guy could have been negligent not to report to you, but you could have simply told him to “try not to forget it next time” than to go wild. This only means that you have a part in the argument as well. Love is about understanding, is it not?

Never resort to break up if it is not final. Do you want to look stupid by ending the relationship and try to restore it a few hours later? Great stupidity comes great responsibility, try not to make your partner miserable, be responsible for your own stupidity.

It could help to write your reasons for your anger, and I do mean the primary cause such as “he did not text when he got home” or something. If you see that you have written it a lot of times already, you can point this out to your partner and TALK about it. However, if he forgets to tell you where he is once a week or less, you’re in the wrong, fool!

Keep your calm.

Try not to blurt out emotionally-infested outbursts towards your partner. (Have you tried throwing plates on the wall?) (You can also hit the wall HARD with your head to let it all out)

Be mature about matters concerning the relationship, handle it with care.

Always keep an open mind.

P.S. This is applicable to psycho-boyfriends as well, just try to reverse everything gender-sensitive in the post.

P.P.S. You can show this to your psycho-girlfriend and let her argue with me if she freaks out.

(this is just a rough draft, will be reedited soon)

Definition: “The “you’re together but not really” stage. Others call it MU or mutual understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Pseudo-girlfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite committed lovers.” (Quoted from Myriel’s post)

In my personal perspective, a serious relationship is better. But if that relationship would mean incessant demand of my time, attention, funds, energy, and whatnot, I’d rather go for something less such as a pseudo-relationship or simply put, fling. What Myriel said with regard to fling before a serious relationship is very agreeable. One does will never get to know another person until they begin the “you and me” phase even if it is not in the serious sense of the word. Then and there you will get to see whatever demons are hiding inside your prospective partner and it is a good thing to see them early to know whether you can take them or not in the future. If yes, then you can proceed to a serious one… if no, glad you took the chance… there will be no “what ifs” nor “what could have beens”.

What normally happens is that people often enter this phase without proper consent and it turns out that there is a disparity in their intent and motive. The easiest way to avoid this situation is to make it casual and have this sort of declaration of policies at the beginning of the phase to be able to work within the bounds agreed upon. I know this would not be easy because a fling might not turn out to be a fling, but rather a failed attempt because of it, but this is the risk one should be willing to take so ask to lessen the risk of hurting the opposite sex. I guess for one to be able to walk the talk, there are rules to be followed:

1. Declaration of the absence of commitment
2. NOT saying those three little words (this is a crucial determinant)
3. Not getting too involved emotionally
4. Not deceiving the other person into believing on a serious relationship
5. Not talking about the future with him/her

You’ll most likely know if you are a fling if:

1. You don’t know much of his friends
2. You’ve never met a family member
3. The opposite party avoids the “serious talk” and evades the “love” topic
4. You guys go out only for a booty call
5. You guys barely walk around malls and have good, clean fun

Well, following the rules of not falling, a fling is not so bad (these are also the reasons why some people like it better than serious relationships):

You guys won’t have those trivial misunderstandings,
it’s okay if you forget to text early in the morning or say good night
if you find someone new, it’s all good
giving gifts and remembering whateversaries are not a problem
no envy nor jealousy
you can focus on your priorities without anyone demanding your time and attention
you don’t have to worry about infidelity
you have someone to go out with on a lonely day
booty calls mean good exercise
the feeling may not be mutual, but the benefit is

The problems with pseudo-relationships are tackled in Myriel’s post:
http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=47551854496&ref=mf&.php%3Fid%3D725561162

In the end, fling has its beauty… and so does serious relationships. It’s up to the circumstances and is applicable in a case to case basis.

“The-groom-is-a-broom” (adj.) - a situation where a couple with a great physical discrepancy in which the male is greatly deprived of physical beauty and the female is oppositely abundant.

We normally see beautiful women with less than stellar partners, or FUgly (FUgs) if you may. Some think that life is not fair just like that, but be things as they are, what actually happens is justice.

I daresay that those FUgs who are with such women deserve their places because they were the ones who tried to cough up some courage to actually do something about what they want. I tell you, there are some great dudes out there who wanted the same woman, but what happened is that they are too afraid of rejection, or were waiting for the “perfect moment”.

There is no perfect moment, you go right in and make the moment perfect. -Dar

In this world, you’ve got to have balls. Just like that cliche “No guts, no glory”. These FUgs, regardless of how they physically appear, are actually better men. They rose up to the challenge and got it. I was in this situation before and it actually works. These “imba women” (hot, beautiful, and whatnot) are looked up by “imba men” (alpha, hot, etc.), that these very same men actually become intimidated. They do not try to get in because they are afraid of failure since they are used to being successful… and the FUgs are used to failing that they do not have much to lose so they get on with it… and this, is actually what matters in the field.

It is worth a shot. If you don’t succeed, charge it to experience.

… sometimes, we have to do little evil to create greater good… - Kingdom of Heaven

Now this is something to ponder on. Realistic view: Indeed there are times, we really have to do little evil to create greater good. More like the Robin Hood principle. We know that the future of the Philippines is under our future politician’s hands. Whether we want to deny it or not, the statement remains true. Our country is really not that poor… It is the leaders that make our country slump. In elections, “good” politicians won’t stand a chance in competing in a fair manner. They sometimes have to pull some threads and make little “adjustments” to win and eventually leading our country to further development. Have some not pull some threads to win, what we will get are those “bad” politicians who pulled some tricks of their own while the “good” ones stood without a chance. ——————————————————- Fast forward to 2008.

Kill one man, save a thousand. - Wanted; Assassin’s Creed

The earlier post is fused to my AB Political Science degree. Now, this post is related to relationships and dealings in life. We are not going to plan and kill anyone here, I just like the analogy of the quote. There are indeed times when we should try and do something bad or mean for other people to realize our worth. In relation with the “Nice guy syndrome”, where nice guys are underrated and oftentimes overlooked, nice guys have to resort to something out of their character at times in order to be appreciated. I concocted this idea, since no one wants to go along unappreciated, as a remedy. If you are normally the quiet type who just takes in every rant a woman you like tells you, try shutting her up in a mild manner. Do not offend her, but just take a side other than that which you would normally take. You can also stop being sweet to her and be mean when you are dejected. Act the way she does. Why? This is for her to realize that EVERYTHING positive that a man does takes effort. If a man is normally nice, he is exerting effort to be one most of the time. If you are normally sweet to her and you stop being one, she might ask you “Why did you suddenly change?” this is where we get the limelight and start our battery of rants ^_^ “You want to know why? All these times I’ve been beside you all along being sweet and caring, but what have you done about it? Did you even try to lift a finger to please me when I please you all the time? You expect me to be sweet, but when I am, it is just the status quo for you!” And so on. A bit of a piece of advice though, I am exaggerating a bit so you might want to downplay the rant part a bit. And also, make sure that she really is taking you for granted because some men can simply be so dense that the woman’s efforts are left unnoticed. Lastly, this will not work with impulsive women (meaning this will probably not work on most women… lol!) and to those who are plain bitches. Do a little evil so that she can pinpoint all the good things you portray hoping that she is the thinking type.